Jimmy

On June 25, 1981, I was given the most precious gift that my parents ever gave to me. That gift was my baby brother, Jimmy. On December 7, 2005, at the age of 24, he was rescued from this World and gifted with eternal life in Heaven. It was the the best day of his life and the saddest day of mine.

Jimmy struggled to find his place in this World. From the time that he was born, he was my baby. I've always loved babies so having a real one was the best! He was my playmate until I started dating and then he would hang out with my boyfriends. Being the baby in the family and taking so long to make his appearance, he was quite spoiled.

I remember playing all alone in mud puddles until he came along. I was so happy to finally have someone to play trucks with and make mud pies with. My sister is the prissy one. You should have seen the way that she would look at me when I asked her to play in the mud. She had no idea what she was missing. Naturally, Jimmy was happy to sit right down and dig tunnels and fill dump trucks. He was my best friend.

I got married when Jimmy was 12 (he turned 12 the day before my wedding). He loved my husband and my husband loved him. He played little league football and then football in High School. He also wrestled in High School. We went to as many games and matches as we could. We had babies during this time so it wasn't as often as we would have liked.

Jimmy was a good boy and he loved his nephews beyond belief but he struggled with life. He became addicted to some prescription narcotics due to some injuries that he received wrestling. He struggled with that addiction for years. It was hard to see him suffering. He overdosed twice and gave us all a scare. I was able to pour my heart out to him the first time. I'm so glad that I did because it left me with no regrets.

Jimmy was killed in a motorcycle accident due to no fault of his own. I'll never forget that rainy December night. It was the worst night of my life. I truly believe that Jesus to reached down and Jimmy took His Hand. The hope of being with him again is the only thing that makes this pain bareable.

Please join me in remembering my baby brother this week. He would have been 27 years old. I miss him terribly but I know that he is happy. That makes me happy.

My Testimony cont.

I am so thankful that I knew Jesus when I lost my brother, Jimmy. As I said before, I feel that the prayer that was said as I headed to the hospital is what has brought me from where I was before his accident to where I am now.

I have always known God but I haven't always trusted Him. When I learned of Jimmy's accident, I knew that I needed God and somehow I began to trust Him. I drove to the hospital I trusted that Jimmy was in God's Hands and he was. As my World as I knew it, shattered at the hospital and I begged my husband to get there, I knew that I was in God's Hands. As I somehow moved my way through preparing for a Memorial service that my sister and I planned, I was in God's Hands. I didn't sleep much in those days following Jimmy's death and during those hours I spoke with God.

God literally carried me through the very darkest times in my life. He carried me through losing my babies even when I was furious with Him for allowing it to happen and He carried me through losing my baby brother. There were times when I felt like I wouldn't be able to live without Jimmy and God has shown me how. There were times when I felt so alone and desperate and God has shown me that HE IS HERE and that He has also given me family and friends for comfort.

I have always felt like I was meant to adopt. I brought the idea up to my husband when we were struggling to have our third child. He wasn't open to the idea for several reasons so I let it go. We would talk about it from time to time but it was never a serious thought until April 2006. My husband brought the subject up and suggested that we check into adopting an older child. That was all that I needed to hear. The process was started right away and after some twists and turns, we have a beautiful daughter that we know was meant to be our's!

My testimony may seem simple to you and in many ways, compared to others it is. I just want you to know that no matter what your "story" is, God is there. He's always here. We just have to accept Him and allow Him to help us. He's always willing and when we allow Him to help, our lives are so much fuller.

I will always miss my baby brother but I know where he is. He's at the feet of Jesus, playing with my babies. I can't wait to join Him.

My Testimony

I've never shared my Testimony so I'm not sure exactly where to start or what is appropriate to share. I tend to get a bit wordy so bare with me.

I am the middle child in a family of three children. I have an older sister, Tina and a younger brother, Jimmy. Tina is 2 1/2 years older than I and Jimmy is 6 years (less one month) younger than I. We grew up in a home where God was talked about from time to time. We knew about Jesus and the Ten Commandments but didn't attend church regularly. My Father was a Christian and knew the Blible well. My Mother was raised in a Jehovah's Witness home and struggled to find a way to make sense of what she was taught growing up and what she was learning as she lived with my Father. My Mother is also a Christian now and over the years has fallen in love with our Savior.

As children we attended VBS every summer and we would attend church here and there but never on a regular basis until I was a teenager. I remember one time when I was young, sneaking to church with one of the neighbors. I would walk from my house to my Granny's house several times a day. Ms. H lived halfway in between the houses and many times I would stop and chat with her. On this particular day she invited me to go to church with her. For some reason, I felt that I wouldn't be allowed to go so I lied to my parents and told them that I was going some place with my Granny. It wasn't long before my parents caught on and went right to the church and pulled me out. A spanking followed! Looking back it's funny but I am sure that it gave my parents quite a scare back then.

I don't recall just how old I was when I accepted Jesus but it was young. I don't remember NOT knowing Him. He's always had a firm grip on me but I didn't always seek His guidance. We've had a long and winding walk with many stumbles along the way. Jesus has never faltered though. He's been Faithful!

My teenage years were pretty uneventful. I learned from my sister just how far I could push without getting myself in serious trouble. I was never the type to party or sneak out so that wasn't a problem. I never skipped school and I haven't done a drug in my life. I was pretty boring until I got pregnant. Yep, a parent's worst nightmare!

I had been dating my boyfriend for six months. He was graduating from high school and I was shopping for shoes. I felt faint but didn't think anything of it at the time. I got something to eat and I was fine. A week later I had the worst flu that I had ever had. I didn't have a clue that I was pregnant. My Mom did though. She bought a pregnancy test and I was shocked. My life was over. I asked God how... why... what had I done to deserve this???

My boyfriend I were married within two weeks. Everyone questioned out decision to get married. They said that it wouldn't work. We'd never make it. Four weeks later, we lost our baby to miscarriage. We could have walked away then if that was the reason for our marriage but it wasn't. We loved each other. That man is still my husband. It's been 15 years.

Within three months of that first miscarriage, we were pregnant again. That child is now almost 14 years old. Two years later we decided to give him a sibling. His sibling is now 11 years old. We decided when our second child was 6 months old that we would like to have one more child. We started trying to conceive when he was just over a year old. I conceived fairly quickly but that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. This pattern would continue and we would lose 8 babies altogether over a period of 2 1/2 years. Some losses were earlier than others. We know for sure that one of the babies was a girl. We named her Destiny Sierra.

I would have to say that at the time I felt like this was the lowest part of my life. I wondered why God would give us the strong desire to have another child if we were not meant to have one. Why so many women were able to conceive and have healthy babies when they didn't want them but we couldn't. Why were babies dying and abandoned when we wanted one so, so badly. Why..? I grew angry with God and questioned Him over and over again. I prayed for a baby to hold in my arms.. just one more, PLEASE GOD.

We finally conceived again after doctors had told us that we would probably never have another baby and carry to term. We prayed for this child and believed that he would be born healthy and he was. I remember realizing after his birth just how depressed I had been prior. The only way that we made it through that time was by the strength and Grace of God.

Things improved greatly after our baby was born. We were on cloud nine and so content. There was still grief for the babies that we lost but things were much better. Our children brought so much joy to our lives and we truly felt Blessed during that time. We continued to build a relationship with God but it was so easy because things were great.

In December 2005, our perfect world came to a screeching halt. I had gone to Orlando to visit a friend that was down from NY. While I was there, my brother over dosed on some medicine, my Grandfather was admitted to the hospital and my baby boy was run over by our boat trailer. All of this happened in the matter our hours. I have never moved so fast as my life was flashing before me-- ever. I still don't know how I made it from Orlando to Port Richey in an hour in one piece. It was God.

Thankfully, my son was fine. He only had bruising and that is nothing short of a MIRACLE. Sadly my Grandfather died the next day. He had been suffering with cancer and a terrible infection. I know that he needed rest.

Three days later, I received a call from my brother stating that he needed me to go to the hospital for a family meeting. I couldn't go because my son was still in pain and it was difficult to have him out for long periods. I arranged to have the doctor call me. She did and we had a long talk. My brother never called me back. He was released the next day. I spent that day thinking about the holidays and how I could make them special for him as he was a bachelor and my parents were the only ones that really bought anything for him gift wise.

That evening the phone rang and it was my Dad. I'll never forget the words that he said to me or the screams that came from my soul as I hung up the phone. I had no idea at that point that I had not known the depths of sadness that I would soon feel. As I got into my car to drive to the hospital, I called a friend. She prayed with me. Together we prayed for my brother and the doctors and nurses and any one that came into contact with him. We prayed for my safety and then we hung up. It was that prayer that I believe helped me to get from where I was to wher I am now. I started this journey of grief relying on Jesus to see me through.

I made it to the hospital with my Dad and that is where we learned that my brother was not going to survive the horrific accident that he had been in. His brain stem was injured and it was swelling causing too much pressure on his brain. It eventually cut the oxygen off to his brain and it died. I cannot even begin to explain the agony that I felt and still sometimes feel over learning that his life here on Earth is just gone.

Losing my brother by far, to this point in my life has been the most difficult. There is more to this story and so much that I have to share but I will have to continue later...

Hello, My friend

I thought that I would have more time to blog today but with my Kiddos home for the summer my time is limited. So, I'll leave you with a note from a friend. It's written to each of us. Slow down and take the time to read it:

Dear Friend, 

I just had to write to tell you how much I love you 
and care for you. 

Yesterday, I saw you walking and laughing with your friends. 
I hoped that soon you'd want me to walk along with you, too. 
So, I painted you a sunset to close your day and whispered a 
cool breeze to refresh you. 

I waited .... you never called. I just kept on loving you. 
As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much 
to touch you. I spilled moonlight onto your face, trickling 
down your cheeks as so many tears have. 
You didn't even think of me. 
I wanted so much to comfort you. 

The next day I exploded a brilliant sunrise 
into glorious morning for you. But you woke up late 
and rushed off to work. You didn't even notice. 
My sky became cloudy and my tears were the rain. 

I LOVE YOU!!! 

Oh, if you'd only listen. I really LOVE you. 
I try to say it in the quiet of the green meadow and in the 
vibrant blue sky. The wind whispers my love throughout 
the treetops and spills it into the vivid colors of all the flowers. 
I shout it to you in the thunder of the great waterfalls and 
compose love songs for birds to sing for you. 
I warm you with the clothing of my sunshine and perfume 
the air with nature's sweet scent. My love for you is deeper 
than any ocean and greater than any need in your heart. 
If you'd only realize how I care. 

My dad sends his love. I want you to meet him. 
He cares, too. Fathers are just that way. 
So, please, call on me soon. No matter how long it takes, 
I'll wait forever. 

Because I LOVE YOU. 

Your Friend, Jesus 



written by Yvonne S. Rathkey 

Keeping it Personal

So, I decided to start another blog. It's not because I have oh so much to say. It's because some things are best kept apart. I'll reserve the other blog for my business and this one for personal stuff. This is where I will come to relax and share my deepest thoughts (be scared... very scared).

Seriously, there are things that I would like to share separate from my business and this is where I will do it. Stay tuned for a more in depth entry later today. For now, I'm off to the grocery!