Both of my parents are mentally ill. My Father is Schizophrenic and Bi-polar so many things that he does can be attributed that his illness. He was also abused when he was young so that also plays into things. My Mother is clinically depressed and she also has Lupus.
The main issue that I have with my Father is that it seems that no matter how hard I try, I can never please him. He is very controlling and more often than not he's vindictive and hurtful. No matter how old you become, you seek your parent's unconditional love and acceptance. It's really all that you want to feel complete.
I struggled with all of this for a very long time and at times, I still do. About a year ago, I felt God's Fatherly arms around me. That is something that I've not felt from my Dad in year and years. I needed that so badly and as I felt it, I realized that I am everything to the only ONE that matters. Go loves me unconditionally and accepts me exactly the way that I am. I have rejected Him at times and He is still standing there with arms wide open as I run to Him again.
I will always love my Dad and pray that some day that he will accept me as I am but even if that never happens, I know that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and accepts me for who I am. He created me just the way that I am. I look forward to the day that I can see His face and let Him know just exactly how very much I love Him.
The same Heavenly Father that loves me and accepts me as I am, loves you too. If you take a moment to focus on Him and trust Him, you will feel it too. There is honestly no feeling like it.
1 comment:
Wow, your blog is so moving to me. I came here from your comment on "Faithful Followers" blog. I felt so connected to you right away. I lost my father to cancer 3 years ago and although we had a terrific loved filled relationship I still felt that connection to you. I just spent alot of time reading and absorbing your blog. Know I am praying for you.
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